We're Every Further Mile!

It’s strange how my chest constricts and tears nearly well up when I think about this topic…The #1 regret I have as a blogger.

There are so many thoughts that swirl around this topic and I hope this article will be as helpful to you as it was to me in writing it. This regret has been trapped in my mind for some time and I think writing it here for you will actually release it for me.

Why? Because holding onto regrets and ‘what ifs’ adds nothing to life. Wishing to have done things differently back then won’t really help now…except to start doing those things now, in this moment. To learn from those past mistakes and correct them today to have a better future.

Let me be very clear, there are a LOT of things that I have done wrong as a blogger. I’ve made a mountain of mistakes and I know that I have a few more mountains to build before I really see the success I’m striving for. This is true for any blogger.

Mistakes are a part of life as I’ve found out and not something to fear or try to avoid. You can spend forever trying to avoid mistakes only to find out you took an even bumpier road filled with just as many mistakes that took you longer to get to your destination.

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No, mistakes are just course correctors.

They help you see what doesn’t work so that you can see clearly what really does work. Kind of like my favourite board game, Clue, it’s all about deductive reasoning. Reducing the wrong options to narrow in on the correct answer.

I’ve always thought that if I just follow a step-by-step guide or course then I will be led straight to my dream life without making many mistakes. No, mistakes are unavoidable. I’m not being cynical, I’m admitting that I’ve made a lot of mistakes and that so will you on your journey to building a dream life as a blogger.

Truly, coming to the realization that mistakes are just part of the journey that we should be enjoying (“it’s about the journey, not the destination” right?) is an important realization.

BUT, this is not my regret. This is just a realization I had to go through in order to move on from my regret.

Okay, it’s finally time to reveal my biggest regret… 

I was listening to an Amy Porterfield podcast and the episode was with Marie Forleo (if you don’t already, then start listening to Amy’s podcast and watching Marie’s videos!). Marie was talking about starting an online business and something she said hit me like a ton of bricks.

She talked about the Ten Year Test, “In 10 years, will I look back and want to slap the s^#t out of my younger self for not going after my dream?”

BAM! Right in the feels. 

Not because I could imagine myself 10 years from now regretting inaction, but because I KNOW how it feels to go 10 years without dedicating myself to my dream.

That’s right. It was 10 years ago that I started to dream about having a blog and traveling the world with my family. 10.years.ago. 

My #1 regret is that I didn’t stick with my blog from the beginning. That I didn’t just pick a direction and go with it, even when I didn’t ‘feel like it’. 

All I can picture is: where would I be right now if I didn’t give up? How successful would I have found myself? If I had gotten in with Pinterest, Google SEO, affiliate marketing 10 years ago. 

I see bloggers that did start about 10 or so years ago and see how well they’re doing now and yes, I want to slap the s*^t out of myself.

Phew. I don’t know if it feels good to get that ‘out there’. 

Back to mistakes.

This was definitely my biggest mistake of all. Not starting and sticking to my dream. But now that I realize dwelling on mistakes isn’t helpful and that mistakes are part of the journey, I have new found focus and dedication to my dream moving forward.

But within this big mistake, I realized there were many problems that fed into it. When we make a mistake, especially a big one like this, it’s important to reflect on why it happened.

Why didn’t this work?

Why did I do it this way?

What was really behind this mistake? 

Upon reflection, I’ve come to realize that I’ve held tightly to some limiting beliefs and toxic habits that needed to go in order to be able to actually achieve my goals.

Some, I believe I have broken free from, some still have a loose hold and some a tight hold, but it’s all about progress, not perfection.

All of these limiting beliefs and toxic habits are problems that happen in the lives of so many, which is why I share them with you.

Do any of these sound familiar to you?

1. Guilt

Guilt plays a huge role in not getting started. From feeling guilty for taking time to start your blog, to guilt over hoping for a big dream and not wanting to stay in the life you have already, to guilt over the money you will spend.

When I started wanting to get into blogging, I felt guilty about taking the time to write my posts and build my website. I was taking time away from my son and husband and worried that this would cause problems, not because my husband said anything, but because I just had this in my mind. 

The reality is, if we want to see our dreams become a reality so that our family could have a better future, it is going to take some upfront time and energy. It’s important to know that time spent now means more time later. That a person’s dreams are important and teaching your children through your own actions is a good example for their future. 

I don’t mean neglect them. Just don’t feel guilty about taking some time to build your dream future.

Guilt over desiring a dream life was crushing for me. For a long time I connected this guilt with my Christian education (I have a bachelors in theology), where I felt that if I wasn’t a pastor, then I wasn’t ‘living my life for God’. If I desired to have a life outside the norm, then I was being selfish. I remember crying often and asking for the dreams on my heart to be taken away…it never happened.

It’s important to recognize that there are many ways to help others and to live a great life. That wanting to help our families and other families connect better with themselves, with each other and with the world is a great way to move forward in life. In fact, we can feel good about picking a direction that is true to ourselves and the dreams of our hearts. 

“Pick a Direction that is True to Yourself and the Dreams of Your Heart”

Our dreams aren’t going to look like others and that’s okay. We aren’t like others. We are unique and we each deserve to live a life that is true to who we were born to be. 

Guilt over spending money has always been a problem for me. We’ve always struggled with our income and never lived with a lot (except for the one year that we taught overseas in Kuwait and made a good income), so spending money was always a stretch.

Coming to recognise that building a blog takes significantly less than starting any other business is important. No bank loans necessary. A blog could be built with less than $200, but investing in the odd product or course may bring it up to a couple thousand. 

Comparing this to the tens or hundreds of thousands it takes to build a physical business, it’s not a lot, especially considering the return on investment. For a few hundred to a few thousand dollars, you can start making a full time income within a year or two and not go into debt doing it.

Have you felt guilt in different areas of your life that stop you from getting started toward your dream?

<I’ve written more on Guilt here. It has a huge impact on us and so needed it’s own article>

2. I Need Others to Believe In Me In Order to Believe In Myself

I love brainstorming and creating with others. I’m an external processor, so when I have conversations with others, I get to process my thoughts and gain more clarity. 

This is not a problem, but like many traits, it can be a strength or become a weakness. I used the excuse that I do better in groups to hide my insecurities. 

What I was really saying is that I didn’t trust my own work without having the approval of others to back it up. Constantly looking for approval doesn’t help anyone move forward.

This kind of self doubt can halt action better than anything else. It’s hard to get motivated to do anything if you’re always second guessing yourself and waiting on others to help you. 

Self doubt is often the #1 underlying issue when it comes to not living your best life or being your best self. How can you possibly be your best self if you doubt your own actions constantly.

Recognizing your personal strengths, working through obstacles, and shifting your mind to recognize your own worth are all important steps to building up self confidence. 

I think confidence is something built over a lifetime. No one in this world is perfectly self confident. Everyone has doubts, but recognizing them and working on them is important to make great things happen and to live a happier life. 

Imagine being able to live a life where you just feel good about yourself and about your decisions and the things you’ve accomplished. Yes, it will take work (excruciating at times), but it will be worth it in the end. 

Because in 10 years, you’ll look back and see that you’ve accomplished great strides, that you’re living your dream and that you have enriched your own life as well as others because of it. 

I’d like to add here that living our best life shouldn’t be a selfish endeavour. If we are truly living our best life, then we should be able to impact others with it’s goodness. Help others do the same, share our strengths, build a better future for the generations ahead. 

Don’t rely on others to believe in you, work on believing in yourself. “It is your life, your future, your actions, so take responsibility for each of these and make your dream come true.”

3. I Don’t Stick to Things

With self doubt comes giving up. It’s a terrible side effect, but it happens to the best of us. Again, I don’t think there’s a person out there that could say they didn’t give up on something that they wish they had stuck to. 

Doubting our own decisions is a normal part of life, but when it becomes a pattern that stops us altogether, that’s when it’s a problem.

There was a shift in my thinking not long ago that allowed me to go from “I’m a Quitter” to “I’m a Starter”. Where there are plenty of people that are weary of trying new things or are content in staying where they are, I’m someone who likes variety. This can come out as restlessness and shifting gears too much (again with the strength that can become a weakness). 

Over these 10 years that I have not been dedicated to being a blogger I have still lived a pretty exciting life. We’ve moved across Canada to live in beautiful Victoria BC, from Ontario. We’ve moved across the world to Kuwait to teach and traveled to Jordan, France, Germany, Czech Republic, Austria, and Kenya. We created and grew a festival over 3 years from 1200 to 15,000 attendees. I worked as a group coach to young people in our community. 

Through all of this, we learned, made mistakes, and grew, but none of it was actually following my passion and desire for my life. I had plenty of opportunity through all of this to pursue my dream, but I didn’t. 

I tried starting a number of blogs (3-4) and now when I think about them, any one of them could have been great to stick with. At the time, I didn’t have the confidence to do it though.

Quitting is a side effect of a lack of confidence. If this is a problem that you have, then take a good look at why you are quitting. 

When you get to your why you can start working on how to move forward.

The experiences I embraced over the last 10 years have finally brought me to a point where I have stuck to my blog and am seeing good results from it. My mind has finally shifted and my determination is solid. 

If I could have worked through my struggles from the beginning and stuck to my dream then, I for sure would be much farther ahead. But I’ve finally gone beyond being a quitter and beyond a starter and am now headed toward finisher (another lifelong adventure). 

4. I’m Not Like The Big Influencers, So I Won’t Do Well

Amy Porterfield, Marie Forleo, Rachel Hollis…these are some of my go to online mentors because they rock! And it’s true, I’m nothing like these influencers, but that doesn’t mean I won’t do well. 

This is not how I’ve always thought and I’m not certain negative thoughts won’t creep up again, but what I do know is that I bring my own unique self, perspective and experiences into my work that they also don’t have. My voice is different than their voice. 

Like the quote by Tim Hiller says, “Don’t compare your beginning to someone else’s middle.”

My mentors are far from their beginning and because of this they are seeing very different results than me. 

Their confidence is stronger because they’ve made more mistakes and seen more successes. Their businesses are thriving because they kept going through the obstacles and never stopped learning. For years, they worked early mornings and into the evening to see their dream come true. They deserve to have big results.

My blog has been active for 2 years now and in the last year I’ve finally started to take it seriously and put my (current) full effort in. My results will not be the same as their results. 

I am not currently as good as the big influencers, but as I continue to work hard on providing strong material for my audience, I hope to achieve my own big results.

5. I Can’t Let People Know That I’m Doing This, They Won’t Understand

While there are many more limiting beliefs that I could talk about, I’ve decided to stick with 5 for this article. The top 5 that have held me back more than any others. 

My final limiting belief is that I can’t let people know that I’m doing this, they won’t understand.

This is still somewhat true today. I’ve not really announced it on my personal Facebook page or gone into deep conversation about it with many people in my life. There are certainly loads of people that know the general idea of what I’m trying to achieve, but so many don’t understand this world of blogging and think of it as a hoax.

I certainly don’t see it that way. I see huge value in moving online with business and with helping others. I can go from helping the few thousand in my area to helping a world of people. 

Behind this limiting belief though lies a bit of self doubt still. Am I really not talking about it because no one understands or is it that I just don’t know if it will work for me?

Upon deeper reflection, if we aren’t really able to openly share our dreams and things we love with others, are we really being true to ourselves? 

How liberating would it be to be able to share our gifts, our dreams, our true selves with others and not fear their reaction?

Why do we hold so tightly to the opinion of others that we lose ourselves in the process? 

In the end, it all comes back to being confident in ourselves. Having the conviction that we are meant to pave our own road and that we have what we need to do it. If we don’t have the right tools, then we can acquire them. 

If you have made it this far and are really wanting to move forward with your life. Break free from your own limiting beliefs and start building strong healthy belief in yourself to build a blog and a life you love, then you have a few options ahead of you.

1. Go on a journey of self discovery to learn how to shift your mindset and embrace who you are and what you have to offer for your own life and the world. I’ve created journals to help with this

2. You can start your blog right now. No more waiting, no more regretting, start now. I’ve put together a 10-day free blogging course that will be sent to your email over a couple weeks. Work through the steps in the course material to build a good foundation to launch your blog from. 

Let me know in the comments below what has held you back from living your dream life.